swimsuit envy.

if i’m expected to take s to the pool for waterbabies classes, i need to look semi-presentable. and let’s just say it’s been a loooooong time since i wore a bathing suit. unfortunately, the stretch mark situation post-birth means that two pieces are ruled out from here until eternity (or until they invent a magical eliminate stretch mark serum, in which case i will go everywhere naked). i also generally hate one pieces. however, i found the perfect swimsuit, as loved and reviewed by fabulous blogger modg:

 

 

problem…out of stock. pretty much everywhere. also i can’t go into stores to search the racks. HELP! i need a pretty suit that will hide all my insecurities and make me look like a hot mama. or a milf. ew that’s the first time i’ve used that phrase. just find me a genie’s lamp, stat!

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the summer according to pinterest.

i’d been thinking about writing up a sort of summer to-do list, or a bucket list, but hadn’t got the motivation to do it until the fabulous e tells tales suggested a blog link up. now i’m not nearly creative (or energetic, these days) enough to come up with lots of ideas off the cuff, so for this bucket list i will defer to the other lover in my life. yes, i mean pinterest. my sweet evening affairs with this website leave me feeling encouraged, excited and jealous of other people’s lives. but i have actually DIYed my way through a few of the things on my pinboards over the last few months, including making an adorable hand and footprint salt dough keepsake for p for father’s day (like this one here).

now onto this summer:

1. get my hair did.

a few years ago i went crazy and had my hair highlighted completely. i think it was an accident. but i LOVE the full head of highlights look, and want my hair this short again. if i was a millionaire i’d get a brazilian blow dry so it would be kind of straight right after blow drying, but for now i will have to dream. plus, then i’d miss my curls. also, i will allow someone to babysit s so this can happen…i got my hair cut when she was three weeks old, but it consisted of literally handing off the baby to p after he returned from his own appointment, running to the hairdressers, and getting a few inches chopped off. i want an afternoon of styling. maybe with a mani/pedi.

2. organize my life.

this site has about 139847165 ideas for baby/home organization. none of which i accomplished before s was born. now our house isn’t exactly a hoarder’s home, but it could be cleaner. and more organized. so i will do at least one of these things on this list.

3. fly to the states!

Source: youtube.com via Kaitlin on Pinterest

the tips and tricks from mama natural‘s video blog are going to come in handy when p, s and i all hop on a plane in august to see my family. i’m only freaking out about the trip a little, and most moms who’ve traveled with babies and toddlers say that the earlier you fly (in terms of baby’s age), the easier the trip will be. i just know i’m going to have to kill some bitches with kindness, though, as they give me the black look of death for bringing an infant on board an airplane. it’s ok, i will leave nappy bags full of s’s stinkiest poop underneath their seats.

4. (re)learn to knit.

can you get any more adorable than this? i’m sure it’s super easy and would take about five seconds to do. plus, if you know me, you know that flip flops/sandals/any kind of shoe that doesn’t require socks is the best kind of footwear. s isn’t going to be small enough for this to be cute for that long! my grandmother, who’s in her mid 80s and only has partial vision, is the most amazing artist when it comes to knitting and crochet. she’s tried to teach me how to knit half a dozen times (bless her), so one day i’d like to make her proud by actually learning something.

5. get my craft on.

this super cute shag rug will be perfect for the kitchen. it will also solve my problem of having far too many items of clothes. every time we get a charity bag through the letterbox, i fill it up and return it with tons of my junk. it seems to regenerate almost immediately, and makes me a little sad. now is the time to simplify my life ever so slightly and focus on what’s really important rather than getting sucked into the material things of life. (if you’re super duper brave, you could be like my friend awayathomemom and live out of an RV with your family. so cool!) there are approximately a million more craft ideas i have yet to try out on my pinterest boards…check them out.

6. go swimming with s!

luckily this one involves shopping for bathing suits. also, i mostly want to do this because of the photography session. p gets in the bath with s at the moment (TMI? sorry) and keeps saying, can i dunk her? can i dunk her? and so far i’ve said no because i’m scared she’ll drown and we’ll be the idiots that tried to make their own baby swim. so i’m going to let the professionals help! s loves bath time now and i think she will enjoy the pool, too. plus, i need to get back in the water!

7. bake some sexy cakes.

those of you who have already perused my pinterest boards probably have gathered that my bff and i have half-joked about starting up a cupcake business. no, not like two broke girls, i hate that show. more like ace of cakes meets starbucks flavors meets english charm. it’s mostly a pipe dream, but if i ever win the lottery i will quit whatever semi-fulfilling job i have and open a cupcake shop. so to prepare myself i must get back in the kitchen and start baking. plus, p once told me that my gift for having our first child would be a kitchenaid mixer. i’m still waiting! (i’m sure it’s in the post. not.)

8. get picnicking.

after the disaster that was our last picnic-style outing (yes, i am a wussy mama) i am afraid i may instill the same neuroses in my daughter. so you heard it here first, everyone…i vow to spend more time outdoors with my family. i will lather up my baby with bug spray and sun screen (after six months, i think…before then i will keep her under a mosquito net and hide her from every ray of sun possible) and eat smores with my family. this i solemnly swear.

9. have a date night with p (and without s…sorry baby!)

my parents came to visit when s was five weeks old (they live across the ocean in the states) and tried to get us to go out to see the hunger games. i wasn’t ready to leave the baby and hadn’t tried pumping yet, and figured the logistics of organizing feeds around movie times would be too difficult…ok i was terrified of leaving s for more than five minutes. my mom told me that i’d be ready soon. a few weeks after she left, i sent her a text saying, you were right! i want a babysitter now! so p and i are already talking about date night ideas for our trip to the states. three weeks with my parents, grandparents, sisters, and aunt nearby = lots and lots and lots of babysitters! sorry, guys! s is lovely, i promise! and hopefully she’ll go the *&$@ to sleep for you.

10. lose the baby flab.

ok, so i know this photo doesn’t really coincide with the step. but having a positive body image and feeling good about myself includes losing my baby flab. i know that i’m beautiful, but i also want to feel healthy and sexy instead of lazy and glued to the sofa. even though i love me some big bang theory. so this summer i plan to find an evening zumba class, or vow to get up three times a week at six and walk/run (ok so i can’t run…yet. positive thinking!!!) to feel better about myself and to be a positive role model for s.

so that’s the list, for the most part! i’m sure our summer will consist of much more than this (and you’ll all hear about the lot, of course) but i’ll update you as these items get checked off! happy summer! ❤

go the *&$@ to sleep

lately i’ve gotten a little bit cocky. like we had it all figured out. like we couldn’t possibly have any more hurdles to jump and that our baby was perfect. WROOOOOONG. it’s like the baby gods have looked down on us from on high and said, nope suckers, here’s a curveball.

our damn baby will just not sleep. rather, she won’t GO to sleep. daytimes for mommy? yes. nighttimes for either mommy or daddy? no. it’s not like the transition from moses basket to travel cot has thrown her off a little and that things are slowly getting better. if anything, they’re getting worse. the girl will SCREAM her head off as soon as we leave her for five seconds. sometimes, if she’s particularly pissed off, she will scream when she psychically reads our minds and knows we’re thinking about bedtime. it usually starts from the moment i get her out of the bath and start putting her pajamas on. she just knows that these clothes are not daytime clothes, and NO she is not having it. thankfully for p, she is an angel when he bottle feeds her, but as soon as that bottle is gone, she flips out. for three hours.

this is the book we’re going to start reading to her every night.

and this is the fantastic audio version, read by none other than samuel l. jackson, the king of the f word. (for those of you who are particularly adverse to potty mouthing, please don’t listen! on the other hand, if you know me, you’ve heard it all before.) best line: “how come you can do all this other great shit but you can’t lie the f down and sleep?” as i’m writing this, i’m listening to the youtube reading and p is saying, why didn’t i write this book?! i’m sure adam mansbach would let him collaborate on sequels, possibly of the religious variety. something along the lines of, “jesus is watching you, so you sit the f in your pew in church.”

so please, s, i beg you, stop messing your parents around and go the f to sleep.

(big) baby steps

over the past week we’ve had a really hard time getting s to settle at bedtime. every time we would put her down she would get upset and refuse to sleep. we’re talking about screaming until her face turns purple and she can’t breathe upset. which is not fun.

after what seemed like a million nights of this un-s-like behavior we decided to change it up. since she was already growing out of her moses basket, a transition to the travel cot was the next logical step. even though it happened suddenly in the middle of the night (and involved a few choice words from both p and myself), the transition was fairly straightforward. s seems to love the travel cot (we use this lovely one, even though my mother pointed out that if we have a boy next the poor thing will be forced to sleep in a den of pink. oh well, he will just rock the pink). she kicks around, chats to herself, and can MIRACULOUSLY settle herself for daytime naps. not so much with bedtime…i think she can sense that she’s being put down for the night and doesn’t want to miss out on the fun. poor thing has no idea that tidying up the house and lying comatose on the sofa in front of reruns of the big bang theory equals fun these days. but, on the whole, we are very lucky and she is doing so well.

so am i!

having the baby in the bedroom while we’re downstairs means using the dreaded baby monitor. the monitor is one of those baby products you think you’re going to need from day one but don’t end up taking out of the box for months (if you’re anything like p and me and think you need to check on the baby’s breathing every, i don’t know, ten seconds and therefore keep her within arm’s reach AT ALL TIMES). so the transition from staring at my sleeping baby to leaving her in the bedroom three or four times a day has been harder on me than it has on her. for the first few days i would pick up the receiver of the parent monitor and hold it to my ear until i convinced myself i could hear s breathing. ok, so i still do that…maybe only once or twice an hour now, rather than once or twice in five minutes. that’s a HUGE step.

the best part about the whole experience has been FINALLY getting to use the adorable grobags given to us by friends…seriously our baby looks so cute.

the next step for us is trying to figure out how to structure the evening routine…we’re finding that after a 3 or 4 o’clock feed s will need one more nap before bedtime (currently feeling the repercussions of prematurely dropping a nap…i want to watch big brother!!!) but that it pushes everything back slightly. any suggestions?!

i’ll leave you with a shot of our beautiful s, whose smiling face makes me forget some of the, shall we say, less lovely thoughts of motherhood i have after three hours of SHUSHHHHHHHING and rocking bak and forth.

but mommy, i looooove you and want to spend every minute with you!!!

the week in review.

another busy week in the d household! s is three months old, and is officially no longer a newborn. crazy!!!

this week we took our first ‘holiday’ post-baby. monday we drove to west sussex to attend the installation of p’s best friend as vicar of a parish church on the coast. we stayed two nights at a hotel, visited with p’s friend’s family (two of s’s godparents!), took s to chichester cathedral and pallant house gallery (excellent modern art museum; s LOVED the bright colors!) and put our feet in the english channel. phew!

s driving lola…starting early.

art appreciation, infant style.

first time in the english channel! and don’t worry, the water was warmer than the air.

the only way s will deal with tummy time. bad parents.

yes, the same west sussex that had epic flooding monday and tuesday. flooding we experienced first hand. thankfully, we’re all still alive, after driving our poor lola (our ford fiesta) through two or more feet of standing water for what seemed like hours on end. this is one of the smaller lakes we drove through (please note that my hands were over my eyes and not on the camera during our fording of deeper waters):

i think i can see noah in the distance!

s did a great job in the car, and an even better job in the hotel over two nights. pretty sure she’s protesting being back from holiday, though, because she currently won’t go to sleep without being cuddled and resorts to screaming when she doesn’t get her way. YAY!

speaking of s…p and i are currently sitting in the living room WITHOUT OUR BABY. yes, i know s is three months old, but tonight marks the first night we’ve put her to bed in the bedroom rather than on the floor in her moses basket. say it with me now…xannnnnnax. yes, please. or gin. no tonic. :/ oh well, will have to settle for chocolate ice cream and big brother. and pictures of our beautiful baby.

vacationing is so tiring.

wussy mama

when did i become such a wuss about the great outdoors?

let me just preface this by saying that i’m not actually ‘afraid’ of being outdoors, or ‘scared’ of animals/bugs/the world. in fact, when i was in school i was girl scout extraordinaire. every summer i was shipped off to camp (by choice, thank you very much) for a week or two, and learned how to sail, cycle, tie knots, make trails, and survive in the wilderness just like bear grylls. i was a badass. camping outside in a pup tent all by myself? no problem. trekking through the woods with my dad, hunting turkeys? check. swimming in the nasty ass lake all day long? of course. you name it, i did it. i was the definition of a tomboy.

somewhere along the line, i changed.

in the same way that i’m suddenly too old to love roller coasters like i did when i was 16, something has happened to me about being outside. i think it’s the spiders’ fault. maybe it was one too many episodes of the fear factor, but i have this irrational fear that gigantic spiders are going to come attack me in my sleep (think harry potter and the chamber of secrets here…ugh i can’t even watch that video). pretty sure this neurosis has slowly but surely evolved into a psychosis that i may or may not need treatment for. again with the xanax.

so now that i have s i am sure that the spiders that haunt me in my dreams are going to climb all over her and she will be SCREWED, because you’re crazy if you think i’m capable of killing that shit. no way. that’s why i got married. p is spider killer extraordinaire. (ps. this is also part of the reason i got a cat, who is useless at bug killing in general and instead likes to run away from creepy crawlies.)

today we ventured out into the great unknown that is jesus green. i think i did pretty well, considering that there is some kind of bug spawning on half of the trees, covering them in webs full of caterpillars or maggots or larvae…anyone know what this is? i couldn’t get close enough to take a picture; sorry. anyway, we managed a good half an hour of outdoor time before spiders started dropping from the trees and i said F THIS and we went home to hide in our safe little house. which is also full of house spiders.

it’s a neverending circle. i know, i’m a psycho. please don’t let s inherit (too much of) my crazy.

apparently she looks like an occupy protester.

just chillin’.