go the *&$@ to sleep

lately i’ve gotten a little bit cocky. like we had it all figured out. like we couldn’t possibly have any more hurdles to jump and that our baby was perfect. WROOOOOONG. it’s like the baby gods have looked down on us from on high and said, nope suckers, here’s a curveball.

our damn baby will just not sleep. rather, she won’t GO to sleep. daytimes for mommy? yes. nighttimes for either mommy or daddy? no. it’s not like the transition from moses basket to travel cot has thrown her off a little and that things are slowly getting better. if anything, they’re getting worse. the girl will SCREAM her head off as soon as we leave her for five seconds. sometimes, if she’s particularly pissed off, she will scream when she psychically reads our minds and knows we’re thinking about bedtime. it usually starts from the moment i get her out of the bath and start putting her pajamas on. she just knows that these clothes are not daytime clothes, and NO she is not having it. thankfully for p, she is an angel when he bottle feeds her, but as soon as that bottle is gone, she flips out. for three hours.

this is the book we’re going to start reading to her every night.

and this is the fantastic audio version, read by none other than samuel l. jackson, the king of the f word.¬†(for those of you who are particularly adverse to potty mouthing, please don’t listen! on the other hand, if you know me, you’ve heard it all before.)¬†best line: “how come you can do all this other great shit but you can’t lie the f down and sleep?” as i’m writing this, i’m listening to the youtube reading and p is saying, why didn’t i write this book?! i’m sure adam mansbach would let him collaborate on sequels, possibly of the religious variety. something along the lines of, “jesus is watching you, so you sit the f in your pew in church.”

so please, s, i beg you, stop messing your parents around and go the f to sleep.