to poo or not to poo

before having our own child, p and i, quite rightly, assumed that babies pooed. a lot. like most other sane people, we assumed this happened on a regular basis, and had heard countless horror stories of hundreds of nappies filled every day and thousands of pounds spent on replenishing the neverending supply of reinforcements.

having s screwed all that up for us.

for the first few weeks, s followed a regimented schedule of poos, as described in the clever and disgusting photo spreadsheet given by the nct. p and i filled hours chatting about meconium, mustard seeds, and increasingly smelly nappies.

tmi? sorry, too bad. poo is my life now, so it is my gift to you.

however, our beautiful and timely baby has since decided to pull the plug on our schedule. these days, she often goes days without pooing at all, instead pumping (or farting, for my american friends out there) more than all the men and labrador retrievers in my life combined.

when it does come, boy does it come. girl can poop.

this turn of events is reason 72652953 i need a prescription for xanax. what kind of crazy baby flouts tradition and withholds poop?!

lots of normal breastfed babies, apparently. midwives tell us not to worry unless she’s going longer than a week without a poo.

better for the bank account, says p. ah, my frugal man. always look on the cheap, i mean bright, side of life.

i’ll take that xanax now, please.